Ramblings of a Imperfect Soul

Today is sun and i got back rather early.. abit bored so decided to update my blog abit.. dun really know what to update n then i saw one very amusing testimony left by my friend wilson in friendster n so decided to share it as i find e testimony very amusing to myself.. i din know that wilson have a flair for making poem.. hahaha.. Thx buddy for e poem.. it is very encouraging and very funny.. hahaha.. :)

Poem by Wilson aka Wargreymon88 one of my dota buddy.. :)

peter is his name
and dota is his game.

24 hrs a day
he always use sa

He says he is no pro
though i insists so

He was once a cheiftain
but now is archie's turn

Ww heroes and he uses sb.
then ppl will scold him cb.

He and yuni are the best
too bad they're not in the west.

Their teamwork are flawless in every way
Although i seriously doubt they are gay

He is skilled in nursing, oh yes oh yes
I hope he gets a job, god bless god bless

Whether we win, lose or fatal error.
The best part was we had fun together.

PS: Some of the above may not be true, so peter, dun scold me.

NO LAMBS were harmed during the making of this "so-called" poem.

By none other than yr most dreaded being on earth ever............wwhp

Hope u guys will enjoy tis.. For those who know wilson, can get him to compose a poem for u all too.. hahaha.. :P

Now is wednesday night and i just got home from mid-week service..It was a great service today with John talking and focusing abt prayer.. Actually din feel like sharing but i can't deny the feeling within me and so just decided to let it out by blogging. Hahaha.. :)

Today i woke up feeling hungry but yet cannot eat.. -.-" y ah?? Cos the whole church is fasting and so therefore i'm also with the church fasting too. Haven't fasted for so long le and now suddenly ask me to fast, i do feel rather weird.. Bros n sisters, do u guys feel e same abt fasting too?? hahaha.. :p

Well i woke up feeling tired due to my late night gaming and as well as feeling kinda lethargic.. Can't say i was in e best of mood though.. Been kinda moody these few days due to different discouragements in life though.. But it was a encouraging morning though.. Got encouraging smses from jerry and fang jing and also from joanna.. They probably wun know but i really appreciate these kinda of short smses especially when i'm in a low mood.. Praise God for all these little encouragements when i need them..It lifted my spirit up and finally managed to focus on my QT abit better.. And of cos doing my QT does make my mood better.. Amen to tat.. :)

These few days, i had quite a few interesting encounters which made me think alot.. I'm sure that God have something for me to learn through all these encounters.. One major thing that i realise through all these encounters is how ungrateful i can be to the Lord sometimes and how blessed i am actually..

My first encounter was on Mon.. I was at sembawang MRT station waiting for jeff who is forever always late when meeting me.. Kinda irritating to wait for tis bugger everytime but at least he is improving.. Amen to tat.. :P But while waiting for jeff to come, a sweet-looking gal caught my eye.. yes, u guys heard me.. i said sweet-looking gal but before i get any rebuking for looking at gal, let me explain y.. what caught my eye is not actually her looks although she is really a sweet looking gal but rather what caught my eye is the way she walk.. Apparently she have some muscles disorder that caused her legs be so weak that she is unable to walk w/o assistance and that she need to rely on 2 clutches to help her to walk.. As i observe her walking and as well as e stares of ppl around her, i felt for her.. It must have been hard for her and her family mentally and emotionally especially in such a materialistic country like Singapore where self image and the way how you look is so important.. Alot of people do not show much compassion or empathy towards all these unfortnate ppl but i believe that God never meant for Man to be unfeeling and unsypmathic cos we Man are created in the image of God and our God is a loving and compassionate God.. But this encounter did hit me.. it dawned on me that i am indeed a very lucky guy.. I have often complained abt my incapabilty to excel in sports and to beat those who are talented but at least i'm still able to walk n run. To alot of unfortunate ppl, they do not even have a chance to experience e joy of running fast n jumping high up . And compared to so many unfortunate ppl, i must say that i'm indeed more blessed than they all and i'm grateful that God spared me the mental torture of having all these disabilities.. I guess i have to learn to be more contented with what God have given me instead of lamenting on the things that i do not have or can't achieved..

The 2nd encounter was on Tues.. My sister was not working and she was hogging the com which was kinda irritating to me since i wanna play my games.. In e midst of getting the com back, my sister actually showed me a singapore website which have alot of stories of cute and adorable dogs but was sadly and cruelly abandoned,abused by their owners.. As a dog lover myself, it shocked me to see the extent of cruelty tat Man can have towards Dogs who is often been said as "Man's Best Friend". One of the stories being featured was a story of a dog who got knocked down by a car. The driver instead of helping the dog, carried the dog n threw the poor dog into a nearby drain n left the dog there for it die.. It was due to e help of some kind passerbys who saw e poor dog n managed to save her.. Another story was abt a dog who was serverely being abused by his owner until tat when e dog worker found the poor dog, his leg injury have rotted so badly that his leg needed to be amputated.. There are many stories inside there but i shall not go into details.. But all these stories are true accounts of cruelty of humans and many exhibits a similiar traits and e cruelty of human when they get bored of their pets. As i think about God. I'm glad that God will not and will never forget us nor neither get bored of us.. i think most of the times, it is us who forget abt God more rather than He forgetting or neglecting us.. I'm thankful that our God is a patient n loving God who never fails to meet all our needs..

There are other encounters but i think if i continue on, it will become too draggy n therefore i think i shall stop for now.. But through these few encounters, I'm sure God have things to teach me and I believe one of e things is tat He wants me to look at Him more and be more grateful for all the blessings tat i have..Perhaps there are more things for me to learn but i will need to reflect on everything more.. But i'm glad that through all these so called "bad incidents" I can learn something through it. God certainly atirrs n encourage ppl in his own special ways Amen..

I shall end off this sharing with a song again.Below is one of my favorite kingdom songs. It always reminds me God is around n with us through all times. And i shall delicate it to my wonderful bros n sisters in christ and especially to those who have encouraged me in their own special ways.. Hope you all will find the song meaningful and like it. Enjoy.. :)

For Those Tears, I Died.

1)You'd said you'd come and share all my sorrows. You said You'd be there for all my tomorrows. I came so close to sending You away. But just like You promised You came here to stay. I just had to pray. (Chorus)

2) Your goodness so great, I can't understand. And dear Lord, I know that all this was planned. I know You're here now and always will be. Your love loosed my chains and in You I'm free, But Jesus why me? (Chorus)

3) Jesus, I give You my heart and my soul. I know that without God, I'd never be whole. Savior, You opened all the right doors. And I thank You , and praise You from earth;s humble shores. Take me, I'm Yours.

Chorus:
And Jesus said :"Come to the water,stand by my side. I know you are thirsty,, you won't be denied. I felt every tear drop... when in darkess you cried, And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."

Suddenly i feel like rambling so here am i to just crap again.. Today was a great day.. Mark Templer is in town and he did a great job delivering a great sermon regarding Dreams.. And that is probably what stirred up my heart and think abt the past again..

Dreams always start from a small little spark... Fire is so dangerous and that why we are told not to play with fire since young. right?? A small spark when fed with fuel, a small little puny spark can become a great and raging fire which can devour and devastated the land.. I'm sure we all know of that.. But similarily, a little spark can be easily snuffed out by little wind and little stuff.. One blow and poof! The little spark is gone n dead...

As Mark had preached.. Since young as kids, we often dream.. Kids are so pure hearted and so innocent.. They do not see the harsh reality and often delights in the fantasies of their dreams.. Kids are so different from adults.. They do not have much to think abt and neither do they have much to care about.. In their own pure-hearted minds, they often just dream happily without any worries in the world.. It is just such a blessing to be a child.. How often do i and have i long to go back to the times when i was just a kid without much worries in the world and having the warm protection from my family and away from the harsh realities of life..

As a kid, i often dreamt about the impossible.. I dreamt of being a righteous lawyer who fight for justice and equality for the corrupt country against the evil forces.. I also often dreamt of being a policeman who fight and capture hardcore criminals and put them in the jail to where they deserve to me in.. Hahaha.. Apparently i watch too much HK shows when i was young and got influenced by the loyalty and justice traits in the shows.. :P I also dreamt of being a doctor who can saves precious lifes and help the society.. Talk abt a typical SG young and naive kid.. I'm sure i'm one of them.. hahaha.. :p

But well, all these dreams started to fade away as i grew older and as the harsh truth of my own capabilities and limitations surfaced one by one.. What are all these dreams to me now?? It is just a passing thought now.. A dream that was once there but will never be able to be achieve now...

Mark preached about having a desire to make a small impact in people's life.. He talked about our spiritual dreams... The dreams that we had for the kingdom as a young christian.. That was the time which we are often so zealous, so happy although we were young, ignorant and unknowlegdeble.. That was also the time when we are often radical, bold and at the time enjoying our christian walk with God the most.. Impacting peoples' lifes with love and friendship seems more n more foreign as time pass by.. Is it becos God have change or is it becos i have grown weary under the influences of this world?? I believe it is the latter cos God don't change.. 8 yrs in the church have been a great thing.. Although i find myself sometimes hanging on and debating within my ownself whether christianity is for me or not, i know i cannot deny the fact that God is alive and He have really taken care of me throughout all these years and He have a plan for me..

Mark's lesson had changed my perspective regarding dreams abit.. Make me realise that dreams are there to motivate me.. God is still there.. He is still waiting for me.. All my long lost spiritual dreams are still there.. A revival can only be done from the heart.. Reviving my own heart seems to be hard but yet not impossible.. Just as it take times for God to change Mose's heart to lead the Isreal and also time for Peter to get back on track after he betrayed Jesus, it is also time to reflect more on my ownself and to find back the lost dreams inside the deep part of my own heart.. Despite trying hard to deny and to supress the fire, it is amazing to see how much i actually still desire for all these dreams to come true after reflection.. A fire within own heart and maybe it is time to acknowledge it.. Amen..

A song that i love alot and it is also about dreams.. I think this is also one of Andrew's favorite songs too.. :)

Don't lose your way with each passing day.. You come so far,don't throw it away.. Live believing.. Dreams are for weaving.. Wonders are waiting to come.. Live your story.. Faith, hope and glory.. Hold to the truth in your heart.. If we hold on together, i know our dreams will never die.. Dreams see us through through forever, as clouds roll by. for you and i..

I think the lyrics might be abit wrong cos i'm writing it out out of my own memories.. so if it is wrong, pls pardon me.. I guess i'm getting old.. Memories not too good liao.. hahaha.. I guess this is end for this entry.. Hahaha... :)

Seems like it have been quite awhile that i update this blog. Been very busy with job lookings and many stuff that i don't even feel like updating the blog. But indeed having too many emotions compressed in e heart is something that does not make u feel good or happy and that is exactly what i do sometimes..

Been bz with jobs looking and all e interviews recently and now waiting for all their replies.. Not many seems promising to me though and that kinda discouraged alot to certain extent though i don't really show out alot.. Tue was a hectic day of travelling for me and it is really very expensive.. I really dislike travelling without a concession pass but i guess i have no choice though.. Tue was fun for me though although e travelling around is kinda of boring.. I finally managed to settle e issue of mari's cd key clashing with victor's cd key as i finally managed to get mari a new cd key(not easy to get it though) to install her wc3 so that victor will not have trouble playing in us west when he need/wants to play.. I feel kinda bad for giving him so much trouble in tis issue though.. But well, at least i finally managed to settle it already so it is a load off my mind..

I also spent some time with Choon Lim on tue evening too and was pretty inspired by his sharing on the topic of "Silent Arrogance" which andrew had told him before. I think i do fall into e state of silent arrogance and complaceny sometimes though it was never my intention to judge or be arrogant.. Despite e fact that many times i look down on myself and e weaknesses that i have so glaring have, i still have certain pride and arrogance in certain many areas especially in the areas that i'm good at.. I take pride in e effort tat i have made, in the knowlegde that i have and my capability in it and with that pride, i sometimes and in fact many times judged or look down on ppl that is lousier or worse than me.. The perfectionist self in me refuse to be gracious or kind to ppl that are not as good as me and e pride in me passed judgement on them unknowingly to my own self.. I think one area that my tis arrogance have so brightly stands out is e area of gaming n dota although i'm kinda reluctant to admit it.. Being a experienced player with good knowlegde n skills and as well as being one of the global moderators in Dotaportal have certainly puffed up and make me look down on lousier players or even expect alot from them which is not possible with their level in game..Playing with "someone" have made me more aware of e need to be sensitve to ppl that are not as good as me and e need to supress my own arrogance spirit.. There is a serious need for me to reflect on it now and since God is trying to teach me to be humble in front of ppl, i shall struggle through it slowly.. I have since then decided to resign and step down as a moderator in Dotaportal since i know retaining the "title" is not going to help me in any sense. And anyway i haven't been contributing much to the forum too and so it is also right for me to step down although it is with reluctance that i decided to step down from the post..

As what Choon Lim have shared to me.. Sometimes it is not whether we think we are good or not but rather how ppl see us.. I might not think i'm good and most of e times i really dun think i'm good too but yet surprisingly ppl think i'm good.. Choon Lim relate a past incidence to me. There was once when me, victoria,andrew and some others went to Clara's house.. I think they were preparing dun know for what thing.. i think christmas party or wat ba.. Some of us ended us playing mahjong and e rest ended up watching a vcd show.. That time, i know i did say that i'm not good at mahjong.. But apparently as what Choon Lim have observed, his conclusion is that i know e game probably better than most of e christians there.. I must admit that i did used to play mahjong pretty often in e past and that is why i know and can observe well in mahjong.. I do not think i'm good but his point is that i should not be saying that i'm not good at playing mahjong or that i don't know how to play since e fact is that i really do know how to play it and e way that i often say things might come across as sacarsm or false humility although i did not have e intentions to do so.. I guess i really need to watch my words sometimes..

I think this form of arrogance n complaceny is surfacing up rather often in many areas of my life and therefore a need to be aware and constantly remember the to be grateful to God who have given me life and everything else that i currently have.. As what Wee Kiong preached yesterday, Jesus is supposed to be the King of our hearts.. Jesus came to be the Kings of our Hearts and through making Him the Lord of our hearts can we stand up to Satan and the temptations of this world which is so prevelant in Singapore.. I simply love this song by the name " Great among the nations" especially e 2nd verse..

Great Among the Nation

The scholars look for Him in vain, their earthly king He never came,
instead a carpenter would start a kingdom of the heart.
Beaten, bruised, He stretched His hands, as God became a dying man,
And king on cross was sacrificed, for the church, His bride.

This is a amazing song of God's greatness and His love for all. I believe the only way to humlitiy is see the God through the heart who although is so great but yet so humble. It is always n gonna be a lifelong challenge to be humble and the journey starts now...

Hmm.. Seems like i have not been writing anything new so suddenly have e mood to just write a new entry.. Now i'm currently unemployed and looking for a job and i realised that looking for a job can be quite boring and discouraging at times.. I think i'm kinda enjoying this lazy lifestyle and getting into a lazy mood to do stuff.. Everyday can play dota until quite very late and then next day start e day late too and then do abit of work here n there.. It is really a vicious cycle and i think i better dun keep doing it but i think i do lack e discipline though to stop it.. Haha.. But anyway i believe that i will be able to get back a "normal" lifestyle after i find a proper job since i do understand that gaming is not my life and there are better things to do than to play dota e whole day although i must admit that i enjoyed playing it alot.. Haha. :P

Haiz.. Now is e job finding period.. I din really realise that job hunting can be so boring 1..So far, i had sent out quite a few resumes and is waiting for calls.. I'm also kinda looking into logistics and admins kinda jobs too since i had experience in this line in army and i always kinda enjoy office work too..I have quite alot of resumes yet to sent out too cos i realise there are actually plenty of jobs that i might be able to apply for and all this is is thanks to my dear sister Elizebeth who took e trouble to go online and find so many jobs that i might be interested in and email all to me..I haven't look through all yet.. Kinda lazy to do that though.. Haha.. :P Anyway I think she is more enthu abt e job finding than me..diaoz..-.-"

At e moment, i only managed to go for 3 interviews.. No replies from Raffles and SGH.. So sad sia..-.-" I had e 3rd interview today and it was funny cos i did not even apply for that post n neither did i apply for any jobs in that company.. but since they called me up, i just went for it nonetheless.. I met the manager of the company and the company is called Venture Era.. Dangz.. The job position turned out to be a sale promoter for Health Products.. The manager call the job a business job but i say it is simply a saleman job..-.-" You can simply say that it is a sales job and this is e kinda of job which i never had interest in mainly cos lack of eloquency of speech and as well as a pure dislike for rejections that u will get when try to sell ur products and e attitude that ppl can give u during e job.. Hahaha..:P The manager told me to go back and consider then answer him again but i really doubt i will take out up e job though.. But a funny thing happened though.. I went out of the company, took e lift down and was on the way back to mrt station when i met my primary school friend.. I chatted with him for awhile and i told him i was looking for a job and he told me that he can recommend me a job and he took me hand and dragged me back to the same company which i just came out from 10 mins ago..diaoz..-.-!

Haiz.. Now i'm back at home.. Getting bored cos i'm waiting for time to pass so that i can go out to meet Joe for dinner and spend time.. Finally today can spend time with him.. This spend time dun know postponed how many times le and finally it can happen.. Haha.. I hope i won't talk too much abt dota with him though cos he says he quitted dota le.. Hahaha.. But it is a pity that he quitted cos he is such a good player though.. But it is a good thing for me too cos like that i dun have to worry about fighting him when i'm playing with e christians on sun cos so far he is e only player in church that have won my respect in e game and he is also by far e only guy which i think i can't handle in 1v1.. hahaha..:p Ok.. i must admit that e christians standard are getting better and that i'm happy for them too.. I think we have alot of decent players now and some is really getting pretty good.. Some of e players that i can think offhand are Zhiwei aka dew, Quek and Mari.. But of cos there are still better players around like shawn, ben and mark all of which are better if not around my level although i'm not really bothered even if i were to fight them cos i believe i'm able to handle them in 1v1 and at e end, it will simply bow down to e rest of e team capabilties and e teamwork in e team. Haha. :p Dota is fun, right? Hee hee.. I hope to have more fun times with e christians playing dota whether is it in lanshop or bnet.. Haha.. :P

Hmm.. Enough of dota.. I always seems to go off track when i talk abt dota.. Lol.. Just a bad habit of mine to talk abt my passion in dota.Hahaha. :P I guess it is time for me to snap out of my laziness and do some other more useful stuff like encouraging the ppl around me.. I must apologize for e lack of encouragement towards ppl that i'm close and around to though.. I'm kinda taking ppl for granted sometimes and i do need to change in tis area.. So my dear brothers like Andrew, FJ, Martin and etc, keep me accoutable at times hor? Hahaha.. Tat is wat i like abt Brothers in e church cos the friendship can be so great.. Hahaha. :)

Btw thanks to all who took my quiz.. Appreciate all your sportingness.. Hahaha.. Up to now, only FJ took my quiz and got it 100% correct and i know he din cheat cos he took e quiz in front of me when he came my house and stayed overnight last tue.. Hahaha.. )And for those who got low marks for my quiz.. ahem.. We will need to spend more time..*hint dew and miss joanna.. hehehe.. :P

K. I think time to stop my ramblings.. Till my next entry then.. Hahaha.. Btw christians, pls continue to pray for me to get a job.. Thanks and amen.. :)

Hee hee. I got the inspiration from Victoria and Gwen 1.. Interesting quiz. For those who think know me, pleas go and try it. Don't worry.. Even if you can't answer it well, we are still great friends. Haha. :)

Take My Quiz - on - QuizYourFriends.com!

Argh, woke up today having a very sour feeling in my heart especially when i think all the bad games that i had yesterday night. Only decided to write this entry after reading ZhiWei's entry regarding DOTA on his blog.

Yesterday, i played almost all games with one of my favorite killer heros (haven't been playing him for quite awhile) and that is the greatly feared Magina. I say greatly feared is cos a good Antimage player is simply annoying and is simply too powerful to be taken down by 1 hero at anytime and with his capability with escape and blink, it is very hard to kill him much. But alas, i lost all the games with my Antimage cos in all games, all teammates don't know how to coordinate or play as a team and provide coverage in the early game and thus denying a powerful hero like antimage a chance of owning in late game.

Dota is a team game and teamwork is important.. I really can't emphaize that point enough. No man can play the game alone and win against a team who have teamwork. I must say DOTA does reveal my competitive self and my competitive self does push me to become better and better cos the desire to win games. Winning games with teamwork in my opinion provide 1000x more joy than losing. I do not mind losing (although i don't like it) if the enemy team is really better in terms of skills and teamwork and these are the games that i learnt from as a new player. Learning from all the victories and defeats. I have won many hard fights but also have suffered many crushing defeats at the hands of good players. I do not wish to say that i'm a good player cos i think there are still much more for me to improve in the game if i wish to take part in competitive gaming competitions like the WCG which some of my friends intend to go and they are also asking me to go too and if we are going, we wanna go for experience cos as we are a new team,i do not expect to get the champion.

Regarding the ppl that i normally play with, i realise that i do not play alot with christians like Zhiwei, David, JT and etc.. Sadly to say, i don't think i'm quite well liked by christians when it comes to dota probably due to the fact that i'm always with my dota buddy yuni and we tend to take on the christians together as a tag team and i think till now, if we 2 are together in the same team, we have not lost in any of the games before. Brothers, pls forgive me if i ever shown any disrespect in the game for you or if i seems to be overkilling or whatsoever.I know that christians like games to be balanced up and that why i can understand why you all in certain sense do not like me and yuni to be in same team.. but Brothers, frankly speaking me and yuni tag team aren't that scary and we are not unbeatable in any sense. Just yesterday, me and yuni lost ALL our PUBLIC not pte games when we have a lousy teammates who don't cooperate much with us.. This shows that against players that are better than u, you guys just need to have more teamwork and communication cos me n yuni do not think that those guys that beat us in the pub games are better than us in indiviudal skills but rather cos their teamwork is better than e rest of my teammates and just me n yuni alone cannot win them..

I have been playing dota since last June and have slowly learnt the value of good teamwork and asking for instructions in game.I'm competitve and that is true but all is for e sake of fun and winning the game and that is why i constantly try to improve my farming skills, team skills and the basic of dota like exp denying. I'm sure that all of us who like to play this game wanna improve and bring our level of gameplay to a higher level. I know i want and i know yuni want and i'm sure that e rest of you want too cos if not, you wouldn't be playing so much too. But now, what i believe you guys lack is e training in teamwork and spirit in game. You guys play so much with myron and gang, i'm sure you all can learn something from them regarding teamwork and coordination.. And if you play with me and yuni long enough, you will soon understand the power of team play especially in pte games where standard are supposingly to be of a much higher standard than public bnet games..

Dew: Brother, i don't know if you got any attitude against me in DOTA or not but if you have, i apologise for my actions and hope that we can have a talk soon and resolve it if there is. We are Brothers In Christ, right? And so let's do things the christlike way.. :)

Mari: I know you are a senstive gal and that you prefer games to be encouraging and maybe that is why u do not want to play together when me and yuni are playing against the christians. It is not that i do not wish to be encouraging but rather when i see a bad team, i tend to let it get into me and i apologize for it. I will try to be more encouraging in game ,k? :)

JT: Your indivdual skills now is quite ok but need to polish your timing for ganking and be more aware of game situations. Look at the mini map more and it will make you be more aware of what your teammates is doing and this is especially helpful in killing, ganking enemies or saving your teammates. :)

My brothers.. I know you all love this game and so do i too. I do wish to and i do want to have a good team game with you all. I believe you all have the capability to play a good team game cos you all are christians and are disciples who can take inputs better than non-christians. We have quite a few good players in church too like Mark and Joe.. Dew and quek are actually also pretty decent players although team skills need to polish up abit.. The rest of you also have e potential to play well too. Make use of good teamwork to unleash the hidden potential in you guys. With good teamwork, you can win games and even turn losing games back into a winning game. Once again, i do not wish to say that i'm in anyway better than you guys or what but i do have more experience in playing teamwork and that why i hope if you guys play with me and yuni, just take e chance to see and learn how we 2 coordinate each other. Feel free to ask us if you have any questions cos me and yuni really don't mind guiding ppl 1 but obviously if you guys dun want to ask, we also feel paiseh to guide u guys cos wait you guys feel that we are being too arrogant or wat in trying to guide you all. Pls bear in mind that me and yuni only have 1 goal in game and that is to win game through teamwork and i hope that soon i can play with you guys all and knowing that you guys are good and capable of supporting the team and that i can safely rely on you all and that we can win games by the best DOTA way and that is TEAM WORK.

Maybe now you guys all don't really like to play with me now. :( but well if you guys wish to play pub or wat with me, i'm mostly available at least until i find a job. I hope if you guys have any bad attitudes or feelings towards me and my style of playing e game, pls feel free to approach me and let talk it out as Brothers In Christ. Let not let a game spoil our friendship in the Kingdom. I really do not want that to happen.. I just really wish and hope that we all as christians can have fun together and play and learn together and really enjoy this game that God have graciously created for us to enjoy. Amen..

Hmm. I woke up quite late today at around 11am. Not very disciplined but well anyway i'm still clearing my leave so i can enjoy abit ba. Haha. :P Hmm. I suddenly feel e urge to just write a entry.

Well yesterday was fun. Going on a date with Vic was pretty "fun" as i got e chance to keep suaning her but nonetheless it was great.:)It was a photo taking cum scrap book making date that was organised by Andrew. I wasn't really very keen on tat idea cos i'm really quite lousy at art stuff and i seriously dun really know wat to do during e scrap book making time cos i dun even know where to start and how to help.. i'm so noob at art sia.. -.-! But must appreciate Vic for doing e scrap book thingy n for doing most of e work cos her date which is ME is a pretty dumb art noob. Lolx. We did take some nice pictures during the date and i might post them up on e blog when i get it. :) But a pity, we too focused on e photo taking then din get much chance to talk too deep. Well never mind, there will more chances.(hinting vic..) Lol..:P I feel that overall the date was pretty fun although i do have some disagreements in which the way the date was being organised but well, i talked to andrew and i think he accepted my feedback pretty well and i'm sure he will go n find out more and plan a better date for all e sisters next time so sisters, pls look forward to it again. Haha. :P

I think yesterday i was kinda moody and not keen to talk too much though i did not let any ppl know and i just told myself that i should be giving n try and be less self focused on myself. Probably i'm thinking too much of my own weakness again. A kinda of thing that always bugs me alot n sometimes can get me down by abit.

Weaknesses... What does Weakness means to me?? It means abnormality. It means e lack of capabilites to do or achieve something. I think weakness is something that is very real to me as a person as being a person with much weakness n flaws. Though i think i do appreciate my own weakness at times as it really helps to remind me that i need God and His Word and His ppl but more than often,i think it does put me down abit.

I think of my own dream to become a good basketball player. I think i have long given up this dream. Standing at a mere 1.68m n 47 kg and with stamina n health restrictions, it is simply hard to excel in this amazing sport that i long to be good at. With my that kinda of physical build, one will not think that basketball is a sport tat i should have choose or fallen in love with in the first place. I know that but nonetheless e passion for that game remains deep in my heart.

I got and started playing basketball in poly yr 1. My best friend Stephen dragged me out and taught me how to play basketball step by step. He show me wonderful pictures in the comic "Slamdunk" and till now, slamdunk is one of my favorite comics along with "Dear Boys". I quickly fell in love with this sport called basketball n slowly learned n trained from basics.In the midst of my training, I got accquainted with some good basketball players in NYP which most if not all are of school level or compeitive basketball standard. They taught me alot n gave me e chance to know how fun basketball can be when played with a grp of players who can play team n is willing to help out one another in game.

All along, i have been playing alone n training alone but playing with them definetely brought my game level to a much higher level although very tiring with my small phyiscal build. I'm often e smallest size among all e players and often is e one who is almost e lousiest but nonetheless, i was never made to felt that way as my teammates tried their best to build my confidence level as a player up. I have a lot mental weakness in game n i tend to miss all my shots under pressure. I remembered playing always with e christians like Wee Chung, Alex Theo, Ting Hsin and etc and all of them are so tall, big and all have experience in compeitive basketball before beside me. I never managed to play well when playing with them until that time, i got my own basketball teammates to come n play with Wee Chung they all at e old NIE. As i expected, my friends performed well against Wee Chung they all but what touches me e most is their willingness to share e ball and pass e ball to me and try to let me score as they wanna me to prove to e christians that i can perform when ppl believe in me.. I think that game was a big turning pt for me when playing with the church ppl. I always remember what one of my friends told me while we are having a drink at Bishan Mos burger after e game. He said " hey petes, ur friends are pretty good at e basketball but they aren't tat good until u have to be scared of them. Just play normally n play ur best and u wun lose out to them.." And since then, i managed to play better when with the christians and getting acknowledgement from all e good players in church certainly managed to boost my morale in game when playing with them alot..

I read alot of basketball comics and watch all of NBA matches. How i wish i have e capability to raise to the level of gameplay and excute perfect passing, dunks and beautiful n suave moves of basketball..How i wish i can be running freely in the court and playing a beautiful basketball game.. But alas, reality is always cruel as i'm always reminded that no matter how much effort or passion that i have, it is impossible for me to reach that level. The dream of becoming a competitive basketball player have now dimenished but i know that deep in my heart, e fiery passion for this sport still remains and all the precious memories of the game will forever remain in my mind although i dun get much chance play it now. Maybe one day, i will be able to return to the court and run freely n play freely again. Do you love basketball?!?! YES. I do and will forever love....

But now my calling is different. I may lack the capability to play sports well, lack e capability to speak well and i may have many other weakness but nonethess God have choosen me as a servant and as His Son. The calling for me now is to be learn and love ppl around me. There are much things for me to learn as a christian and definetely it wun be easy. I have slacked enuff and it is time to work more for the Lord. As i struggle in my own weaknesses, there is a need for me to draw strength continuously from the Word.

In 1 Corinthians 1:25 :For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

Man on our own is nothing. What does God not know and what is God incapable of doing? NOTHING! Only by understanding God's love n mercy, i guess will i be able to slowly overcome my own sinful nature of insecurity towards ppl and only understanding of God's power will i be able to slowly learn to rely on Him again. Amen.

It was 10.22pm and suddenly his new cool handphone 6680 tat was given by his dad 2 days ago suddenly "beep" and he,not used to the new hp sms loud alert jumped abit. He took up hus handphone wondering who will msg him. The sms was from Fang Jing and the msg inside the sms was short but yet painful and inside it read "Pek Yoke juz passed away." It took awhile for the msg to sink in and for him to feel the pain.

This is the first time that someone that i personally know among my friends that had passed away. Though i was not really close to Pek Yoke but being in the same ministry as her for 2yrs+, there is still grief n pain in e heart as i know that she is now forever gone to be with our Heavenly Father. I finally managed to catch a glimpse of how ppl feel when they lose one of their really close friends or family.

Pek Yoke have been a sister that is encouraging to the grp and as well as being supportive to the grp no matter in what situations. I do have quite abit of memories being with her and i can't help but to feel sad that she is gone. Somehow i couldn't control my emotions very well when i got e news that she passed away. I cried quite abit as i wrote this entry thinking abt Pek Yoke and had to pause the entry here n there to control myself and only continue writing this entry after regaining composure.

Haiz. I don't what to write and i can't write much at the moment. Maybe when i'm in better mood then i will write again.

Pek YoKe:
I believe that although you are now gone but you have been a faithful to God. For those that are close to you, their sadness is probably something that i can't understand. What i pray is that our God who is the God of comfort comfort those whom you are close too. I'm grateful that God have finally taken you back into His arms to relieve your pain on Earth and i'm grateful that i'm given a chance to know you in the Kingdom. We will miss your presence in the ministry alot but I know that one day in Heaven, we will be able to see you again with God. Amen.

There was no one left in Room 6. All had left. he took a last few looks at the room and finally he locked up the place. As he turned back and look at the room that he have worked in for the past one and half year, he muttered a soft goodbye in his own heart knowing that it is finally time for him to finish his army life and that today is the last time that he is gonna be working together in this room and with his armies buddies. A deep sense of loss was felt deeply as he recalled the happy and great and as well as the busy and tiring times that he had while working with his army buddies throughout this 1yr or so and he knew he will miss all his army buddies alot. And with much felt sadness and also happiness, he finally left the place which have provided him with much fun, troubles and great memories.

Goodbye my CMPB buddies. It had been fun working with all of you and especially with RM 6 ppl cos we always go through all the darn shit that is given by the "Queen" togther.

Mdm Jennifer: Boss, thanks for all your guidance and your support throughout this 1yr that you had came in. Times really flies and now it is time for me to leave. I appreciate your presence in Room 6 although i wish you can let me sleep more sometimes. Haha. :P All the best in managing Room 6 and i hope that the new man that is taking over me and Kumar will be able to do a good job. :)

Kumar: Bro, we will ord on the same day and we went in BMT together in the same company and same day and now we will come out together. It have been a great pleasure working with you and you have been diligent and great worker all these times that i'm with you. i wish you all the best in your future. Ty so much for all your support throughout this one yr+ in CMPB.

James: Wei Kiat, dun keep bugging me for a new harddisk la. If i get a job, i dun mind buying one for u,k? But buddy, it was really fun working with you and you have provided me with much entertainment as well as great company during all the busy times that we had. Well since Kumar and me r gone, Room 6 is your to control already. Remember to keep in contact, k?? Lol. All the best and maybe one day, we might work together as nurses. :)

Shawn: Buddy, you are my best buddy and have helped me tremendously in the anthro side. And often or not, we always kanna from the "Queen" and 2IC together. It have been fun working with you though. Now i ording liao so u better take care of the new guys. Dun tekan them too much la.. Lol. But anyway i do wish you all the best too and dun worry la.. Ur ord date is coming. Just tahan a few more mnths can liao.. Lol. :) Last, Remember to keep in contact, k??

Md Khairi: Kai kai, one of our medical center most capable worker. It is indeed a great privilege to have you in Room 6 and to work together alongside with you. I truely admire your hard work and i take my hats off you in your attitude in working. You are going to NUS, right? Lol. :) Well, very soon,it will be your turn to ord and so all the best to you in your studies. Keep in contact,k?

John: Ah John ah. I know la. Once i'm gone then it's ur turn to ord le. Happy, right? Lol. :) Anyway though you have only been with me n e rest for a short few mnths, but it has been great working with you. You have been a great help to me with your initative to help out. Together with ah Shawn, i think we make a good team, right? Lol. But u and shawn always disappear to smoke. basket u 2.. Lol. Well anyway all the best in your future and your studies. You going to NTU,right? Maybe will see you when i go there to find my friends. Lol.. Remember to keep in contact, k??

Li Soon: Hey mr tall guy, i know that you dun like ppl to ask abt your height but you are tall wat. 1.9m+ not tall meh? Lol. Anyway although you are only in Room 6 for a short while, i must say that i enjoy working with you alot. Fast and steady is what u always are and that is good for me. Haha. Thanks for all your company throughout all these while and soon it's ur turn to ord le. All e best in your future and remember to keep in contact, k??

Jackson: Hey buddy, thanks for all the fun and company that you have provided me in cmpb and becos i gave u a harddisk so tat y James they all also like to bug me for 1 harddisk. Basket sia.. Haha. :) But nonetheleess, thanks for all the times and thanks always taking the trouble to help me when my com at home give me problem. Appreciate your help alot. Remember to keep in contact, k??

To the rest that is unmentioned due to the fact that i need to go out, i must say a big TY. I came inside CMPB as a guy who do not really know what to do and i say thanks for all of you who have made my work easier and smoother although i must say i do get rather irritated with the work flow sometimes. But nonetheless it was great working with all of you and you guys have given me something very very precious and that is great and sweet memories of my army life which will always remain with forever. Thank You all. I will miss all of you. :D